In our world today, relationships end. Even marriages end. All too often. And then, even though we might not have initially thought it possible, we enter into a new relationship after a period of healing and renewal. In Kundalini Yoga there is a meditation for Healing the Wounds of Love that utilizes the Shabd Hazaray from the Sikh holy book, the Siri Guru Granth Sahib. A sadhana for this meditation would be 11 recitations per day for 40 days.
If we don’t take the time to heal, we take the wounds of the past into our future relationships. Those hopes, fears, and projections can be a hindrance in a new relationship. They can cause us to over-react to the issues that will inevitably arise in any relationship. They can cause us to mis-understand things another person says – and in the worst cases they prevent us from really hearing that person altogether.
If we can begin a new relationship with a clean slate we give it the best chance of succeeding. It takes time to heal old wounds, and a focused intention to unravel the complexities of past experiences in order to avoid the trap of seeing people as merely good or bad – or of viewing our relationship experiences in terms of polarities.
By developing a process orientation, we can view our relationships in terms of the lessons we have learned and the ways in which we have grown. Beyond that, by developing skills for conflict resolution that go beyond win-lose or compromise, we can use our creative abilities to cooperatively birth new and better solutions to conflicts without polarizing differing perspectives on issues of importance.